Warper News Network (2018 edition)
by yoshi3000
Summary: The WNN is here with all your reality warping news insanity where it's the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We'll bring you our neutral outlook, reviews, and more content! (A parody of the news to talk business about Project Blackthorn and related projects.) Main updates one a month. (M for reasons)
1. January 2018 Edition

**A/N: The following is a parody and a fanfiction. I own only my characters and the plot. I also don't apologize for the following political jokes, but I will apologize if any other joke offends you.**

* * *

 **The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **January 2018**

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! Introducing your favorite anchors, God of Destruction Beerus and his much cooler assistant, Whis." The announcer said as the lights shine on the set._

 _Beerus and Whis were in matching business suits instead of their usual wear. This time they are wearing New Year's Hats._

"Hello mortals and deities, welcome to the New Year!" Beerus said before sipping at his coffee.

"This marks the second year for Mirai Yoshi Studios with their anniversary in February." Whis said warmly. "On other news, Hercule Satan has been ousted as king. The investigation came to an end to reveal several felonious charges of money laundering, failure to pay child support, and tax evasion. King Furry has been brought back and Hercule has been arrested along with his cabinet. We cut to our reporter in the field."

* * *

The camera changed to show a prison where Raditz is pointing to several cells with one of having Hercule in them.

"So, Hercule? What do you have to say for yourself?" Raditz asked Hercule.

"I did not lie about my taxes." Hercule said plain-faced.

Raditz was not amused.

"Cut back to Whis." Raditz said walking off. "To hell with him, and his party."

* * *

The camera changed back to Whis and Beerus who looked sleepy considering they were up all night. They lazily passed on duties to their new co-anchors before passing out asleep. The camera changed to two new faces. Who did WNN hire to be their anchors? Why? Kyu SugarDust and Tora Maelstrom who are both in suits.

"What's up, my little warplings? Didn't except us to work here?" Tora said being rather bombastic.

"Yes, we'll be making appearances here and there. Don't worry, Stardew fans. This is all between chapters." Kyu said with a wink. "On other news, famed recluse warper, Dimentio and his wife Mimi has stepped into the light. Becoming one of the few warpers that stayed under the radar, he was dragged by Katsumi Blackthorn the Second."

An image of half-masked Dimentio and Mimi's full is projected.

"Both he and his wife are wanted for 100 million flat." Tora explained. "And their home universe is always neighboring a hotspot for Warper Miis. It's even rumored that Dimentio was dealing and trading with them."

"Even though, information on him and his universe, SM-256, are limited at the moment due to the slow registration process. However, there are clans and business across the multiverse preparing deals to trade with the universe. A few thrill-seeking warpers are even venturing there for a crack at it." Tora said showing footages of a few warpers heading for the universe in question.

Before Kyu could speak, gunshots and explosions rang in the air sending the two scrambling to the ground.

"Well, it seems we'll have to cancel early. These idiots seem to want to shoot up the skies all night!" Tora said. "I'm Tora, and she's Kyu."

"We're watching you fap!" Kyu teased.

The broadcast ends when the camera is shot.

* * *

(A/N: Real life gunshots in the air is the reason this is so short. As you noticed, this piece references a few fanfictions. This is the start of a new series as all of the WNN will go here, and it'll be a once a month deal. There might be bonus posts between the months if there is demand for it though. To 2018, may it be all our golden years.)

 **Ending Theme - It's The End Of The Year As We Know It (Stephen Colbert)**

* * *

 **A/N: The following is a parody and a fanfiction. I own only my characters and the plot. I also don't apologize for the following political jokes, but I will apologize if any other joke offends you.**


	2. Beerus Reviews! (thekyuubivixen)

**A/N: The following is a parody and a fanfiction. I own only my characters and the plot. I also don't apologize for the following political jokes, but I will apologize if any other joke offends you.**

* * *

 **The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **January 2018**

 **Mini-Episode**

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The footage starts up showing Cell in a fancy suit strangling Ribranne by her throat as she struggles for her air. Cell turns to the viewers.

"This is brought to you by the WNN, the Warper News Network. The following may contains violence, coarse language, and adult situations not suitable for minors, so viewer discretion is advised." Cell said snapping the Sailor Moon knock off's neck.

The image shifts to show a title card. with Beerus in casual wear with a game controller in his hand ranting and raving in what appeared a bedroom that would belong to a hikkimori as it was littered in merch, electronics, and other things.

 **Beerus Reviews!**

 **The show begins with Beerus sitting at his computer watching something on his laptop before turning towards the viewer.**

"Ah yes, welcome to the Warper News Network's sub shows, Beerus Reviews. I am Beerus, the God of Desturction." Beerus said coolly. "And you're here with me."

Whis interrupts by opening the door holding a tray of snacks.

"Beerus, your brother's here to join you." Whis said putting the try of sweets on the coffee table.

Beerus groaned as Champa walked into the room, and he glared at his rotund brother. Whis left leaving the brothers alone in the room.

"So, what are we reviewing today?" Champa asked biting into one of Beerus's snacks.

"This bastard much have lost his damn mind." Beerus thought before saying, "We're reviewing **My Arms are Blue!** from **thekyuubivixen**."

"Sounds dumb from the title alone." Champa said taking two more of the treats.

The camera skips ahead a few seconds to show Champa unconscious and bleeding from the head. A bloody Sega 32X was next to his unconscious body.

"About time that 32X was useful for something." Beerus said turning the camera. "Now let's review."

 **-Plot-**

"This show is another one of those metahumor reaction shows. Admittingly, to my knowledge, there are few of those in the Sonic franchise. I guess too many people are humping RWBY and Naruto to the ground with those. Either way, this takes place in the continuity everyone loves and hates, the video game verse. Either way, Sonic and Tails are doing their usual thing when some asshole from another dimension traps them, Knuckles, Amy, Dr. Eggman, and Metal Sonic to force them to watch Sonic Boom. You know? That series that got better in Season 2. I pity them already." Beerus said calmly gnawing at a cookie. "Sounds straightforward at first, but it actually delves some cool side plots."

 **-Characters-**

Beerus looks mirthful and had a satisfied smile.

"It's fine. Voice acting's also really good as well. Surprisingly, the best character is Metal Sonic. Surprisingly, the writers made him the most dynamic character so far. He develops in a way I want to see explored in another story on its own." Beerus remarked.

At the thought of the rest, Beerus raised an eyebrow.

"Although, is Sonic and Amy going to be a thing soon?" Beerus thought.

 **-Humor-**

Beerus was laughing so hard, he needed water. Rewatching the show got him to laugh all over again. He kept laughing until Champa started to stir. Beerus grabbed the 32X to beat him with it again.

- **Overall Thoughts-**

The camera skipped a few minutes again where Beerus is wiping blood off his hands. He turned to the viewers.

"In conclusion, this show is quite impressive is keeping viewers interested. I'd recommend it to Sonic fans in a heartbeat." Beerus said. "But I ask? Wouldn't it be cool for them to react to stuff Sonic Underground, Sonic X (the Japanese version), Sonic SATAM…or Sonic Underground?"

Beerus gave a smirk.

"I just have two things to ask. When are you going to let Amy Rose freshen up? And is Eggman being in his underwear a reference to….OH SHIT, YOU COULD HAVE THEM WATCH SONIC FOR HIRE!" Beerus said in a sudden frantic.

Beerus kept screaming Sonic For Hire over and over again as the camera feed ends reveal a scoring screen. A Sonic-themed score theme played as text showed up.

 **My Arms are Blue! (Final Score)**

 **A rank! Excellent!**

 **Beerus: That's quite impressive!**

* * *

(A/N: Yes, I did this. I wanted to do parody reviews of fanfiction as if they were television shows. So, this one I had to do. Props to the **thekyuubivixen** for making this great fanfic. Consider this a surprise review, if you are reading this.)


	3. February 2018 Edition

**The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **February 2018**

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! Filling it for Beerus and Whis, is Caulifla and Kale." The announcer said as the lights shine on the set._

 _The two Saiyan women were in matching skirt suits instead of their usual wear. The room was filled with red and a few hearts._

"Ugh…welcome to WNN, and happy Valentine's Day. Hurrah for the month of lust…I mean love." Caulifla said sarcastically.

"Don't be a spoilsport, Sis. It's the most wonderful time of the year to be with the ones you love." Kale said with a warm smile on her face.

Caulifla wanted to see if Kale could keep that goofy smile if she was punched in the face but restrained herself. They were on the clock.

"Either way, we'll bring you this month in politics." Kale said before Caulifla took the papers out of Kale's hands.

"NO! To hell with that!" Caulifla ranted. "I do not want to give those incompetent stains any more attention."

Caulifla turned to the viewers and glared at them while standing on the desk.

"Look, if you want watch them argue and snipe at each other, go watch Fox or MSNBC! Damn it!" Caulifla spat at the viewers. "I'm sick of politics."

Kale was frightened but decided to move on to other news. Caulifla came down panting feeling relived she got it out of her system.

"I-iin—in other news, the meeting between the Elite Council and the mysterious rulers of the SM-256 Universe is still ongoing. However, progress seems to be going well. There was a selfie posted on Jeremy Kris's twitter feed showing the leaders gathering up with the message, "We are all ready to discuss our plan to better the Multiverse. Katsumi and I are more than willing to discuss the issues Dimentio has for us. #SM-256 #WarpNeutraility"" Caulifla remarked.

"Speaking of Dimentio, plans have been set for an interview as soon as an assessable connection are achieved." Kale said before being cut off by the click of a tongue.

 **[Cues: Carpenter Brut - Division Ruine]**

That song played as tongue clicks sang in tune. Kale was confused, but Caulifla was horrified.

"Oh no! NO! Not him, please be Trunks or Goten messing with us!" She said in a growl.

Out of the shadows came a meme that should have been dead.

"I am *Click* Elae." He said confirming Caulifla's worst fear. "I now know da wae."

"Oh kami, who gave Ugandan Kunckles warper powers?!" Caulifla yelled.

Click! He inched closer.

"Back away, you abomination!" Caulifla said aiming a ki blast at him. "Go die with the dab!"

"You cannot kill me now! I have ascended, and I will multiply so my brothers will find a queen. We. Will. Know. Da. Wae!" U. Kunckles said.

"It's so cute. What harm can it…" Kale said.

"EBOLA!" He yelled firing a blue beam out his mouth.

In a flash, the studio was wrecked along with Kale's good suit and most of her hair. Caulifla hid under the desk which was Goku-proofed years ago. Caulifla got up and U. Knuckles glared her down before clicking in her face.

Mini U. Knuckles surrounded the main U. Knuckles before flying out the studio leaving the two girls confused and disturbed. They looked at the camera and looked to each other.

"I think we should cut it off here before another meme gets us." Caulifla remarked. "Either way, except bonus content this month with potential top 10s and reviews."

"This was Kale and Caulifla for WNN News! Stay warping and remember, live fast and live free!" Kale said waving goodbye.

A stage light falls on the desk.

* * *

(A/N: Originally, information on Dimentio was going to be brought up. But I realized it'd be more fun to have an interview instead. Also, no politics jokes this time. With what's happened, I am officially sick of politics. Enough that I'm too steamed to come up with a joke about it. I did feel like messing with my viewers. Another horror has descended upon the multiverse.)

 **Ending Theme: Tsutchie - Sincerely**


	4. March 2018 Edition

**A/N: The following is a parody and a fanfiction. I own only my characters and the plot. I also don't apologize for the following political jokes, but I will apologize if any other joke offends you.**

* * *

 **The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **March 2018**

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! And here's our yuribait reporter Caulifla and her sub Cabba." The announcer said as the lights shine on the set._

Cabba was already annoyed by the announcer screaming he was not a sub only to be told by Caulifla to get her a coffee. He grumbles as he gets the coffee for her.

"Welcome back, my little proteges to the month of March 2018. We are continuing not to discuss politics as at this point, it would take up too much time." Caulifla said.

Kale comes in dragging in a familiar blonde president who was tied up.

"Wait, we're not doing the piñata?" Kale asked with a pout. "I wanted to see if he had money to come out."

Caulifla pulled out a portal gun to shoot open a portal and threw that president into a one way trip to the Phantom Zone where she tossed him.

"No politic jokes!" Caulifla said tossing the gun away. "We're professionals here! I'm wearing a suit, damn it!"

"In other news, Kenji V. Blackthorn is still recovered from his vicious beating from his cousin, Joshinari. It is confirmed Kenji is recuperate in safe place. We wish you well, fellow warper." Cabba said with sincerely.

"In announcements, SilverNugget is soon approaching a one-year anniversary event for his production of Pokémon Loud Version: Kanto, and while we don't know what's being planned. Comments from Mirai Yoshi's Twitter feed say it will be a big bang!" Cabba alleged.

"We now go to Beerus and Whis, who are on the field." Cabba said throwing the rest of the coffee in Caulifla's face.

"What the-

 _The camera shifts to the reach of space near the borders of SM-U256 as it shows Beerus and Whis on the WNN News Ship. Crew members were talking terms with Bowser's squad._

"And we're live." Erasa the Camerawoman said.

"Welcome viewers, miss us? Well Whis and I were having a vacation. I hope those Saiyan louts were not too disappointing." Beerus said with a wink.

"Right now, we're on our way to the mysterious and what many are saying "lost oasis", SM-U256. Strangely, this universe has a registered OU nearby, a SmashWorld. How this world stayed hidden is considered a mystery and a bigger one is how a clan of tenth level warpers stayed completely hidden." Whis said mildly surprised himself.

"However, this has left to many minor warper clans fearful. Doubly so, when rumor that the Order had given the clan head frozen bounty status." Beerus said.

One of the crew members comes up to Beerus and Whis telling them they got entry, but they'll have to be checked by their medics.

"Well back to you, Caulifla and Cabba." Beerus said backing away as a nurse had a huge syringe. "Get that away from me!"

 _The camera shifts back to the main studio where it's the three are playing Mario Kart DS together. They kept playing until a voice spoke from their television. One no one wanted to hear._

 ** _"Come on and smile…everyone!"_**

Everyone froze and the three newscaster's DSes immediately died on them. Plants bloomed out of sheer fear and many of the staff were hiding.

On the screen was Pinkamena wear, or lack-thereof, a negligee under an opened pink robe. Men and women in the office were hiding their obvious signs of arousal, but the three reporters were more scared then aroused by the look in her eyes.

 _"What a wonderful March this will be for all. What with Donald Trump making headlines all the time and all!" Pinkamena said gleefully._

"Pinkamena, you bitch! We don't do political jab anyone!" Caulifla roared.

 _The camera on Pinkamena revealed she was sitting on a throne surrounded by corpses, mostly politicians. Blood on the wall was shifted to make a message, "Apathy, Greed, and Corruption"_

"Dear kami, there's the whole white house staff fired and current!" Cabba said gagging.

 _"From the 17 different possibilities for who could have been president. I did all this in an hour for kicks. Either way, I have words for my little pony projects branded with my love bites. Mother hopes you're all doing well before I've just sent out a satellite to trail you all to emit a wave to "enhance" yours seals. Don't worry, you won't be harmed, just "encourage" to mate for my amusement." Pinkamena said. "Well everyone's amusement, really."_

"You crazy bitch!" Cabba cried out.

 _"I've also put nitroglycerin in the news studio…..bye." Pinkamena said before the TV went to static._

"Oh f-" The three news reporter screamed before the studio blew up.

 _The screen fizzled out before the footage cut off. A gag message appeared saying that no one important was harmed….except Yamcha._

* * *

 **(A/N: Well damn…seems Pinkamena put the studio out of a commission. Either way, look forward to new projects this month. Later! And let's just say, Samantha Seijama is going to have more problem in her life.)**


	5. April 2018 Edition

**A/N: The following is a parody and a fanfiction. I own only my characters and the plot. I also don't apologize for the following political jokes, but I will apologize if any other joke offends you.**

* * *

 **The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **April 2018**

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! And here's our star reporters Caulifla and Cabba." The announcer said as the lights shine on the set._

Caulifla and Cabba are shown on set with new outfits. Caulifla had on a burgundy-purple two-piece suit over a black blouse, brown shoes and a wedding band on her right hand's middle finger. Cabba wore a royal, double-breasted suit with a purple tie and a long-sleeved, buttoned white shirt. He had a wedding band on his left hand's middle finger.

"It's been a crazy month, viewers." Cabba said nervously rubbing the back of her hand. "Me, Kale, and Caulifla got married."

"And Kale's on maternity leave because someone couldn't control themselves and broke the condom." Caulifla said glaring at Cabba.

"At least she asked for a condom and didn't ask for it raw like y-Never mind, we got news. First, we'll cover politics." Cabba said getting his cohost to groan.

"Insert your least favorite politician and dislike of Russia here." Caulifla said bored. "Moving o-"

Caulifla was cut off by the door being kicked by Hit who was one of the reporters who used his powers to go out into the field to report.

"There's been another school shooting. Here's the details…I'm off to go kill the shooter. Being paid big for that." Hit said dropping the manila folder on the desk before vanishing using Time-Skip.

"Well, I guess we'll have to do a moment of s-" Cabba said only for Caulifla to smash her fist into the desk.

"NO! This is the sixth time that's happened this year. I am so sick of having moments of silence and going to the damn funerals. I swear that Orange Star High has been shot up so much that the walls are swiss cheese. How is it so easy to get a gun? Hell, it's harder to get training to use ki than to get a damn gun!" Caulifla ranted.

Cabba wanted to stop her from going overboard, but she wasn't done.

"I swear no one pays attention to these powder kegs shits. Not until it's too late, so when it happens, we'll all mourn and move on. Rinse and repeat, and nothing's solved. Just when are people going to ask how to stop. The people in charge don't have an answer to the wailing people asking this!" Caulifla said calming. "I'm sorry people had to die, but I can't just mourn and move on."

"In order news, beloved maker of shows and universes, Dan Schneider has been fired from Nick." Cabba said sadly. "And with that, his reputation and Nick's has down in the shitter."

"Good riddance. I heard he gives people with foot fetishes a bad name. Besides, nobody liked Henry Danger or Game Shakers. With him gone, we can rid the Prime worlds at last!" Caulifla said excitedly.

"We can't, but a rise in warpers pillaging through the Schneider-verse is on the rise." Cabba said looking down at his notes.

"Well, let's shift to our reporter in the…wait, I'm getting a breaking news update." Cabba said as his scouter beeped.

He slipped it on and was transmitted said breaking news.

"Apparently, the school shooter has been found dead in his cell with his heart nailed to the wall. We will not be naming the shooter, but it's possible this hit was done by a professional!" Cabba said with a bit of snark. "Now, to go to our reporter in the field, Raditz!"

 _The camera shifts to Orange Star City in Hercuolopis (We at WNN can't use Satan City due to censorship issues for some reason!) where Raditz and the camerawoman, Suno, are standing outside the school._

"Ok, we're rolling!" Suno said.

"Well, it's Ra-" Raditz said before the sound of gunshots cut him off.

Another dumb punk with a MAC-11 had a gun in hand firing bullets at the school. Students groaned before running for cover.

"Excuse me." Raditz said giving Suno the mike and rolling up his sleeves.

He turned to the shooter and flared up his ki. With a Shining Friday, that shooter was a smear on the steps to the school. With that, school went him with one student rolling his eyes. This was life now. Raditz returned to get up his mike and calmly went on with the news.

 _The camera shifted back to the studio. Cabba and Caulifla are napping with their heads on the desk only for the camera crew to come on screen to shake them awake._

"And we're back…with the updates, I think." Caulifla said groggy.

"Right…on entertainment news, Pokémon: Loud Version – Kanto is growing in popularity along with the sleeper hit of the remake of I Dream of Jeannie, Conformity? You Wish!" Cabba remarked.

"The oddly deemed Swordsman Oracle, Mirai Yoshi, had also moved to Tumblr where he now takes asks and submissions. Head to **strikeryoshi** if you've got questions." Caulifla said idly.

"And apparently, new episodes of Sekirei Blackthorned and A Drunken Knockout have been delayed to later this month due to schedule issues." Cabba said to disappointment of the viewers. "And that's all everyone."

Caulifla waved goodbye only for Kale to crash through the ceil in her Berserker Super Saiyan. Apparently, she had cravings.

"Oh f-"

 _Sorry. We are currently experiencing technical difficulties! An image with Frieza pouting at a broken TV came with the message before the broadcast is over._

* * *

(A/N: Originally, this was going to have a joke about the ToP being over, but I decided not to do it in favor of this. While a bit controversial, I did want to remind everyone that this is still an issue we need to deal with. Yes, you'll be getting Sekirei Blackthorned and ADKM late. I can't afford to even give them a double update to make up for them. ^^; School and all that.)


	6. (Late) May 2018 Edition

**A/N: The following is a parody and a fanfiction. I own only my characters and the plot. I also don't apologize for the following political jokes, but I will apologize if any other joke offends you.**

* * *

 **The Warper News Network (the series)**

* * *

 **May 2018**

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! And here's our star reporters Caulifla and….filling in for Cabba, Ribrianne from Universe 2" The announcer said as the lights shine on the set._

Before Ribrianne says anything, Caulifla smashed a chair over her head rendering the Sailor Moon parody unconscious.

"Get me another host!" Caulifla said throwing the magical girl out of the window. "Now!"

 _"And filling in for Ribrianne, we have Vados!" The announcers said as Vado is shoved on stage._

Like Whis, she had on a suit. She plopped down next to Caulifla who seemed a bit chipper to see Vados this time around.

"Welcome to all you, warpers out there. I'm Caulifla and filling in for Cabba who's dealing with Kale, is Vados." Caulifla said. "Angel of Universe 6"

"Hello everyone, let's get a move on, shall we?" Vados said shuffling the papers.

"First off is sadly politics. Thankfully, we don't have a political nightmare back home, but sadly we have another problem. Some dumbass gave a version of President Herbert Garrison from South reality warping powers. Not only that, he thought it was funny to give him the Death Star to lord over people. Yes, he. This time, we got a picture of the trolling asshole. Apparently, he's has ties to the people to the warper who created the rise of the Ugandan Knuckles drama." Caulifla ranted.

Vados brought up the picture of the prep on screen on the monitor behind them. Despite being an anthropomorphic echidna, he had on black armor that screamed "edgy and mysterious" while being overly complicated. His dull gray eyes hid under his "scary" shiny glasses as he was shown to be armed with a giant pencil.

"And I thought Shadow the Hedgehog was trying too hard." Vados said in shock.

"This piece of work is called, " Penders the Cosmic. I will be personally offering a 1 million reward for anyone who will kill this asshat and show me his body in person!" Caulifla said clawing at the desk.

"On other news, among recent birthdays, a few of Blackthorns' special days have passed in the real world with Katsumi and Tatsuya's being in the first week of this month. A happy birthday to you two!" Vados said before shifting to the issues, "Now, we go to our reporters on the field where they discuss an issue that's plaguing the Sonic universe."

 _The camera shifts to a Sonic universe that's been ravaged as Beerus and Whis stood there watching the carnage. The scary thing was Sonic and friends were working together with Eggman this time._

"Ah yes, hello to you viewers across the multiverse. Your god of destruction is merely reveling in the carnage." Beerus said.

"Apparently, due to Sonic Forces, universes with the speedy blue hedgehog have been infected…with the Sanic virus." Whis said watching another building explode.

"Oh chaos, don't let touch you!" Tails yelled.

"SANIC SPEED!" A Sanic clone said dodging the bullets.

"Could this get any worse?!" Dr. Eggman said.

A mouth click rang in the air as the cameraman dropped the camera. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK.

"Noooo….." Beerus said.

The planet's sky tore open as a horde of a ship float with the sound of annoying mouth clicking as the doors opened to reveal a rainbow of Ugandan Knuckles.

"No, not again! The meme's not funny!" Beerus yelled in frustration.

"We're all going to die!" Cream screamed in horror.

Out from the horde came new faces shrouded in cloaks. These figures were able to somehow make more of these Ugandan memekillers with a wave of his hands.

"For years, you and Mario enjoyed fame and fortune and left us in the dust. But we have risen back from the dead to destroy all that you hold dear. First this world, then the multiverse will be conquered by me." A familiar yet annoying voice said darkly under the brunt orange cloak.

Beerus got the camera up as Sonic fell at his feet looking up weakly at the cloaked figure.

"How is this possible?!" Sonic asked as the figure put his foot on his skull pressing down on Sonic.

"Because what could possibly go wrong?" The figure said darkly. "Everything."

"No…it can't be!" Whis said as the figure shedded the cloak.

Wearing studded green tennis shoes, dark jeans, and a slightly tattered white shirt with a red exclamation point, a relic from the 90s has come back for revenge.

"B…Busby!" Sonic said in shock.

"The Motherfucking Bobcat!" Bubsy said with a twisted grin. "And I'm not alone."

Cloaks were dropping revealing familiar and forgotten faces. An aged Gex wearing leather clothes armed with a tv remote, Krystal who was donning her bounty hunter alter-ego Krused, Solid Snake, King Wart, and lastly Fred Fucks…the game programmers. And the hell summoned from Fred alone was enough for Beerus to say, "to hell with it" and leave the planet.

 _The scene cuts from to the studio where Caulifla is showing praying to Zeno and Vados was having a mental breakdown. Out from a portal, came out Beerus, Whis, and Sharpner the Cameramen who had a pixelated arrow to the knee._

"Well, once again, the multiverse has another threat! Seriously, why does threats keep happening this year? Why can't we make fun of SJWs or something without our stu-" Caulifla said getting cut off by an explosion.

Caulifla was ready to beat the crap out of any intruder only to discover the reason for the explosion was Goku failing to get the microwave to work.

"Damn it, Goku! Ask someone to help you! Replacing those are expensive!" Caulifla roared off-screen.

"Well I think we'll cut off here. I'm Whis for Warper News Network." Whis said as the camera panned out.

"But barely got any li-" Vados said before being cut off by the end of broadcast.

* * *

 **(A/N: Yes, it's late, but it is Exam month. Being that, I was able to make this ridiculing edition of the news was surprising to myself. Yes, I'll be mocking topics in the news next month. For this month, you'll have to guess where those pack of "villains" will be appearing in next. Don't forget to vote on my poll as it ends on May 12th.)**


	7. Early June 2018 Edition

**A/N: The following is a parody and a fanfiction. I own only my characters and the plot. I also don't apologize for the following political jokes, but I will apologize if any other joke offends you.**

* * *

 **The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **June 2018**

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! And here's our star reporters Caulifla and Cabba." The announcer said as the lights shine on the set._

The set is decorated for a summer theme and both anchors are in swimwear sipping fruity drinks.

"Happy summer for all you warpers out there for the month of June 2018!" Caulifla said finishing off her drink.

"And we got some news for you. In social media news, the recently rebooted show "Love that Baby" was canceled after it's lead actor and head writer, Mary Dahl, posted something rather racist things about Asians directed at one of Batman Incorporated's members of the board, Cassandra Cain. On principle, we will not show the tweet." Cabba started off.

"Oh please, who wanted to see that crap show back on the air anyway?" Caulifla said rolling his eyes.

"You do know it was a smash hit that got two more seasons planned after the fifth episode, right?" Angela said from behind the camera.

Caulifla rolled her eyes before saying, "Moving on, her agent Mariam Valenza dropped her, and fellow actors are walking up. Stupid bitch ruined so many jobs."

"You think another network is going to take the show up?" Angela asked.

"They better not. In other news, the reveal of Rose Quartz being Pink Diamond has caused much upheaval within the Steven Universe verses. There has been a rise of Stevens turning evil or going psycho. Even the famed Crystal Squadron has not taken this well with the team disbanded. Ryker Blackthorn could not be reached for comment." Caulifla remarked.

"Poor Ryker must be devasted." Cabba remarked. "In politics, Hercule is trying to run for mayor. I'm not going to go not about it because he's a headache in it…"

Cabba was interrupted by a panicked Majin Buu who came in screaming that Hercule's campaign is winning! Cabba's jaw hung and Caulifla's eye twitched.

"Please excuse me for a moment." Caulifla said getting up and walking off set.

Angry yelling could be heard off-screen before she comes back on camera, but the flower in her hair was on fire.

"I'm happy to announce Videl Satan is running for mayor!" Caulifla said with a forced smile.

"Oh Champa, it's going to be one of those elections." Cabba said under his breath before continuing. "In other news, the Ungandan Knuckles threat has went down as they saw to focus on finding their queen. Bubsy and his crew have however attacked several more worlds racking a combined team bounty of 600 million, so be wary. Lastly, an affidavit from the Order of Reality confirms that any and all wanted posters of Rose Quartz who double as Pink Diamond will be updated accordingly."

"This is Warper News Network, I'm Caulifla and he's Cabba, live long and warp!" Caulifla said closing them out.

"Hey Caulifla, the pizza's here!" Goku shouted off-screen.

"Woohoo! Pizza pool party!" Caulifla said running off screen as the transmissions.

* * *

 **(A/N: Yes, it's early, but it is not early on the other side of the world, so I'm early somehow! I had a bit to talk about, and I wanted to bring the Pink Diamond/Rose Quartz deal as this is a perfect reason for me to revisit the bounties for the Crystal Squadron. How I'll deal with it will be a big surprise.)**


	8. July 2018 Edition

**A/N: The following is a parody and a fanfiction. I own only my characters and the plot. I also don't apologize for the following political jokes, but I will apologize if any other joke offends you.**

* * *

 **The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **July 2018**

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! And here's our star reporters Caulifla and Cabba." The announcer said as the footage rolls, but reveals they were not on the studio._

Caulifla and Cabba were on a sunny beach with the news desk. Cabba wore a blue opened shirt with a purple undershirt, white shorts, and sandal. Caulifla merely a pink bikini with a purple sarong around her waist. Fruity drinks were on the desk.

"Happy summer to all you, proteges out there. We're not reporting to her from our usual studio, but from the beautiful West Bay Resort." Caulifla said with a smirk. "For the last month and this one, we'll be staying getting hammered on the beach."

"Whoop whoop to that! In the first order of business, Cherie Rose Loveless has been nominated for Pervert of the Year by the WNN. Also, in for the running are Ryder Blackthorn, Shurayuki, and "Geist Fox" Naruto. Voting for be available on our webpage and the results will be announced next month." Cabba said taking a sip of his drink.

"In more recent news, a rival show to Dragon Ball Blackthorned has hit the airwaves in a few dimensions, Dragon Ball Scott Adventures. Starring a similar cast, it's been edging in on channels where DBB airs gathering a decent audience so far. However, it's going to have to write chapters faster than crack to catch up." Caulifla said cheerfully. "We now cut to Bulma with the weather."

The camera was going to cut to Bulma, but she walked up to the Saiyan pair clearly a bit tipsy.

"Hey, I wanted to tell you all that I might not be able to tell the weathe-" Bulma said passing out on the sand spilling her third Long Island Iced Tea.

"Damn it, they were not supposed to start drinking 'till after the airing. Guess we'll do to politics." Cabba said only for Beerus and Whis to interrupt.

"Yeah, not a good idea. In the real world, they're still fighting over immigration. We can't really make fun of that considering its…kind of messed up." Whis said as Beerus nodded with them.

"Ugh, oh please. The only reason the mixed bag is coming here is because the state of South America completely blows. Can't even stay and fight for their country." Caulifla sniped.

"You do realize that they'd be dealing with corrupt government officials feeding off American aid money and cartels threatening them on a daily basis." Cabba pointed out.

"Well then, why don't they settle in Mexico?!" Caulifla said smashing her fist on her desk.

Cabba did not have an answer for her not really wanting to waste his time dealing with this messy subject. Beerus and Whis would leave as Caulifla sipped at her drink.

"In less subjective news, there has an increase in RWBY react universes. The trend is quite similar to Naruto universes." Cabba remarked.

"And when are we going to get some Dragon Ball react fics, huh? We have tales to tell too!" Caulifla ranted showing signs of being drunk.

Cabba sighed believing Caulifla may have a drinking problem.

"Well I'm going to cut it short here, I'm Cabba and this was Warper News…" Cabba said before being cut off by Kale.

"Hey guys, I'm done with maternity leave." Kale said with her infant child in her arms. "And little Taydo wants to see his daddy."

"Gotta love that hyperbolic time chamber…you're even back in shape." Caulifla slurred. "And the little girl's adorable."

"It's a boy…" Kale said as Caulifla passed out.

Cabba sighed as he called for the show to end. He was going to need a drink himself.

* * *

 **(A/N: Yes, a rather short one, but I did not have much to speak on. The political world doesn't have much for me to make fun of, and I don't feel too comfortable mocking the immigration issues. Lampooning Trump has gotten boring for me and too easy. I wanted to instead give a shout-out to a friend of mine instead and poke out some more "entertaining" subjects. 'Till next month, viewers!)**


	9. August 2018 Edition

**The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **August 2018**

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! And here's our star reporters that are totally not yuri-bait Caulifla and Kale." The announcer said as the footage rolls, but reveals they were not on the studio._

Instead, the duo was in an empty classroom in Orange Star High while they were in their canon clothes instead of formal wear.

"Hey there, everyone. It's your favorite reporters back in school for the month of August." Caulifla said with a sigh.

"We're reporting live from Orange Star High because…our studio was blown up by Broly." Kale said defeatedly.

"Yeah, the big man is canon now. Just great!" Caulifla said bitterly. "He had to celebrate by blowing up the studio."

"Well in recent news, a tragedy has occurred. RAW warper energy has scrambled several worlds that don't have warpers on them due to the likes of a nearby warper in the system who couldn't control his own power." Kale said sadly. "The Maelstrom clan is horrified by this and is actively working to get one of their own out of limbo. Poor…poor Taeko."

"More like poor us, that RAW wave nearly screwed up our world and several others. If those worlds weren't properly defended, we'd be trapped in limbo." Caulifla said frightened. "But moving on, Manafort's trail begins and I won't be holding my breath for it."

Before the two could get continue, they're interrupted by an excited Trunks who's bouncing off the walls.

"Teen Titans is coming back, bitches!" Trunks said as the room broke into cheers with everyone doing a victory dance before clearing the room for the newscaster.

"Well, it seems Samurai Jack isn't going to be alone on awesome continuations. I just hope they give us more than one season." Caulifla said hopefully.

"In order news, we're happy to announce that the longtime businessman of the stars, Merch, is finally getting married. The lucky girl is Beth Sanchez of C-137AU2. Congrats to you two!" Kale said cheerfully.

"Lastly, due to certain circumstances, bounties have been updated. While Merch's bounty is still frozen. The power Blackthorn pair's bounties has been doubled to 16 billion on the account of the "original" amount being lowballed. More bounties have been updated and will posted up in the coming month." Caulifla remarked. "So that's it for the news, this is Caulfia."

"And Kale! Live fast, and live free, fellow warpers." Kale said waving goodbye.

"I hope Cabba and the baby are doing all right on their own." Caulifla remarked.

Broly kicked in the eye with a wild look in his eye as to the reporters' shock it was both Super Broly and Movie Broly.

"Kale!" Broly cried. "You will fight us now!"

"Oh shi-" Caulifla said as the footage cut off.

* * *

(A/N: Don't worry, they'll live. And so will I, able to continue most of my work. Except for Maelstrom of Stardew, that's shot if I can't get my flash drive restored. Sorry guys, and I had the chapter on the way too. On the bright side of things, I'll be revealing new bounties for Kenji and his crew in the near future. There's a lot to come.)


	10. September 2018 Edition

**The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **September 2018**

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! And here's our star reporters that are totally not yuri-bait Caulifla and Kale." The announcer said as the footage rolls but reveals Caulifla and Kale were back in the studio._

"Hey there, everyone. It's your favorite reporters back in the studio for the month of September." Caulifla said with a sigh.

"It's good to be back." Kale said with a thin smile. "Let's get on with the news."

"In disappointment, long time Steven Universe fan, Mirai Yoshinari jumped ship and joined the SU-Crit crew. This puts Steven Universe Blackthorned as a show's fate hanging in the air." Caulifla said rolling her eyes. "Frankly, I thought it was overrated piss water."

"I liked it." Kale said shyly.

Caulifla looks to Kale with a hint of shame.

"Well I guess you and Ryker both have shitty taste in media." Caulifla said.

"Caulifla, weren't you the one lauding fucking RWBY as genius?" Kale said showing a bit of steel on her words.

Caulifla mutters under her breath that RWBY had better animation and better fights before Kale continued.

"In more important news, an interview for the reclusive 10th level warper, Dimentio, is in the process of being put into production seeing that he has agreed to an interview with Beerus and Whis. When it will air is another story." Kale said before shuffling the papers. "And with RWBY making it's sixth season, everyone is asking will the series will finally fix its mistakes or dig themselves deeper. Caulifla, what do you think? We already had that disaster of a character short."

"I don't know, how was from Legs from Here to Homeworld?!" Caulifla snapped.

The two reporters glared at each other, and Vados decided to insult.

"In political news…oh wait, the investigation is still going on. So, we're skipping that. In other news…" Vados said before an explosion rocked the studio as Kale and Caulifla were fighting. Being that Kale had the Legendary Super Saiyan, this fight was not going to be long.

"RAARGHH!" Kale said before throwing Caulifla into the camera cutting off the feed.

* * *

(A/N: Yeah, this one is short. Considering everything, this should be longer. However, I wanted to vent a bit with a few issues I had. This month, however, will get some bonus content.)


	11. October 2018 Edition

**The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **October 2018**

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! And here's our star reporters that may or may not be overreact shrimps!" The announcer said as the footage rolls but reveals Caulifla and Kale were back in the studio._

The studio was decorated for Halloween as Caulifla was dressed up as the Terminatrix and Kale was dressed up as Sarah Conner.

"Happy Halloween you crazy warpers out there!" Caulifla said with a smirk. "Let's get to it!"

"In fandom news, tensions have arisen within the…MLP community mostly concerning their reputation among other warpers." Kale said nervously.

"Yeah, bad enough some shithead decided to give Sunset Glimmer warper powers. I don't even get why the show is so much popular." Caulifla said rolling her eyes.

"Maybe it has to do with the fact that animation was floundering and that was the best they got considering the big three were screwing up big time. That aside, the show is decently written…for the most part." Kale admitted. "Even non-fans could have a favorite of the mane six."

"Personally, I'm a bit of a Rarity fan." Sharpner said from behind the camera.

Caulifla groaned before saying, "Thankfully, the Order has hired a rash of new employees to aid in keeping neutrality. We now go to Krillin with Crime…because I need a freakin' drink!"

The camera turned to a napping Krillin at his station in the studio dressed up as Leon Kennedy's Resident Evil 4 outfit with his feet up on the news desk. Lazuli comes up dressed as Ada Wong's Resident Evil 4 outfit swooning over how cute her sleeping husband looked.

"Krillin, wake up sweetheart, we're live." Lazuli said nudging him awake.

"We are?!" Krillin said falling off the chair onto his butt before scrambling up. "Eheh…sorry about that. Krillin and Lazuli here with our crime report."

"In recent news, concerns about the Amoral Aces led by the infamous Blackthorn has gone strangely quiet. No reports have been made recently of every attacks or illegal activity. But be on the workout." Krillin said seriously.

"As for actions concerning Black Rose, one of her top lieutenants was arrested after a sting operation." Lazuli said with a hint of disgust.

A blip came up on Krillin's phone and he looked over to have a completely shocked look on his face. Lazuli asked what was up and Krillin exclaimed that apparently that Mecha Rebecca and Evil Morty were in the midst of a chase with the Order's finest across the stars in hot pursuit. This got attention as the idea of that smug metal prick finally biting the dust was a delicious thought. Too bad, they had a feeling that they would get away with it.

CRASH! A space cruiser with Mecha Rebecca and Evil Morty crashed through the studio as a school of Order goons chasing after them in their cruisers.

"Uhh…back to you, Caulifla!" Krillin said as the camera was turned back to their shocked faces.

"OH COME ON, I spent all week working on the decorations!" Kale said embittered. "Caulifla, finish the report. I need to vent my rage."

Kale flew out through said hole in the studio as Caulifla cleared her throat.

"Before we close, I should two final announcements. One, Mirai Yoshi has apparently preparing to unveil a new animated series based off the ever overrated RWBY. While a name has not been picked, the trailers for the new protagonists (Team YUKI) have been public for a while now. Plans for it haven't been decided as of yet. As for the second announcement, it seems that we'll be finally making a release of Dimentio's interview that was recorded and done weeks ago. We apologize for it's delay and will be releasing it this month with some more content. This is Caulifla for Warper News Network." Caulifla said before Evil Morty is thrown through the roof of studio with LSSJ Kale strangling him. "HOLY SHIT!"

"Someone help me!" Evil Morty screamed before thrown into the camera.

The footage ends with an explosion.

* * *

(A/N: The studio never gets a break. Anyway, I'll be releasing the interview that Displacer and I this month to make up for the lack of extra content I promised last night. Things happen. Either way, I wanted to tease some new content while making fun of some topics. While the brony jabs seem a bit dated, I've found out some…things that convinced me to do this. And don't worry, Mecha Rebecca and Evil Morty will escape, just not unharmed.)


	12. Dimentio's Interview

**The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **October 2018**

Lost Footage – Dimentio's Interview

* * *

A camera briefly shows Cabba's face as he briefly apologizes for this footage becoming lost footage citing damage to the studio that postponing airing it.

"Thankfully, we were able to access the backup copy in our archives. So please, enjoy the interview. A warning, that it's a bit graphic." Cabba said waving goodbye as the footage cuts down as the interview begins to play.

- _WNN_ -

 _The camera started up as Whis smiled as he then said "And now, please welcome the recluse warper of SM-U256 himself, Dimentio Dravonoski!"_

 _The screen behind Whis and Beerus soon shifted and changed, revealing Dimentio sitting down in a blue, velvet chair, his half-mask on and his hair combed back, as he wore an icy black suit, with an icy blue tie and a black, buttoned-up shirt underneath his suit, as Dimentio then said, smiling, "Ah, hello, everyone!", as everyone clapped..._

 _Beerus then, idly sipping his coffee, said "How is everything doing for you, Mr. Dravonoski?", with Dimentio chuckling and saying "Please, call me Dim. And to answer your question... things have been... interesting, to say the least."_

 _"Although, it's best to ask Madame Evie for what happened. I'm still trying to figure out if it actually happened or not." Dimentio said, tiredly rubbing the uncovered part of his face, as Whis said "That is alright, Dim. I presume that things have been rather... chaotic, at the meeting with the World Leaders of SM-U256?"_

 _Dimentio nodded, frowning, as he said "You'd be correct. And, to be honest, I do regret requesting for the meeting to take place. I had to stop them all from knocking each other unconscious, and, as a result, I almost drank an entire bottle of whiskey.", before he then sighed and shook his head, now smiling, as he then said "But, enough of that. I presume everyone wants to learn a thing or two about me and my universe."_

 _Whis nodded and said "Of course. However, I'd like to start with one of the two most asked questions sent to us, after we revealed the interview. The question is... how old are you?", making Dimentio grin and say "Well, this is the perfect opportunity for me to delve into a bit of my past. You see, I am the heir to the Tribe of Darkness, which should sound familiar to those who have played the Nintendo game known as Super Paper Mario. And yes, I know that is very meta, considering I am the main villain in the game.", getting a chuckle out of Whis and a few others._

 _Dimentio smirked at this and continued, "However, there was another heir that was supposed to be chosen, until I myself was born. That heir... was Dimensio.", making everyone gasp, as Dimentio said "Yes, Dimensio is my brother. To be specific, he's my older brother, being in his thirties, if I recall. Anyway, after I was born and a few years had past, an event that everyone, I believe, should know about occured. You see, my parents were actually close friends with Akira and Genevieve Blackthorn, to the point where my parents, in their last will and testimonies, had given their parental rights to Akira and Genevieve, should they die. And, it just so happens that, they did die, but they died after Akira and Genevieve fought the Frost Clan and... decimated most of them. At the same time, a big wave of Warper Energy from the aftermath hit my universe, causing my universe to go out of sync with the other universes, making a few years for the rest of the multiverse... become over 2,000 years in my universe."_

 _Beerus spat out his coffee in shock, coughing violently, as he choked some of his coffee down, before Whis said, "2,000 years!? But, that would make you over 2,000 years old!", making Dimentio nod and say "2,022, actually. My brother is 2,032. And, since I've brought up my brother, I might as well say this."_

 _Dimentio then turned to the viewers and said "I know some of those that are currently watching this are wondering about me and my brother's... stance, for lack of a better term, of each other. So, I would just like to point out that, despite what my brother has been doing, I DON'T hate my brother. He is still my brother, and we are related by blood, whether we like it or not. The only reason my brother is doing this is because... he's become insane. No, he isn't just insane... he's become superinsane. Whereas we warpers have supersanity, my brother has superinsanity. However, I think I can save him from himself."_

 _Beerus, after calming down from his coughing fit, said, a bit scared, "...h-how do you know you can?", making Dimentio smirk and point to his unmasked eye, before saying "After a while, my eye has been able to sense the souls of others, as well as their auras, Chakra, and, at times, their magic. Using this, I've been able to sense a small light inside my brother's darkness. If I can somehow bring that out, I can save him. However, I believe it has already started to come out on its own.", making everyone raise an eyebrow._

 _Dimentio noticed this and smiled, before he said "My brother has been giving me information. Information on a being that is SO reclusive, that Ace Maebure Blackthorn would be easier to find than this being. In fact...", before Dimentio got out a folder, opening it up, making everyone gasp, as it showed a picture of a robotic hedgehog, with two mismatched eyes, with its right eye being a fiery red and the other being an electric blue, a scar going over its electric blue eye, with pointed, slicked spikes going to the back of its head..._

 _"Y-You're kidding..." Whis said, only for Dimentio to shake his head and say "My brother has been giving me information on the most dangerous 6th Level Warper to ever live... the Keter Voltroasity.", before Dimentio began to read out what was on the folder, saying "Wanted for the death of Warpers with bounties of around 300,000-400,000 and 500,000-600,000, the repeated use of time-fuckery and debauchery, and more, the Keter Voltroasity is the more reclusive Warper to ever exist, more so than myself. However...", only for Dimentio to stop and shake his head, as if to forget about it, before he put the folders away._

 _"Anyway, my brother has been giving me this information for the past few weeks. Every time he sends me one, I always find the same note on them: 'Something worse than Pinkamena is here, and it's ready to kill us all.'... and, for once, I believe him. I've felt something was... off, to say the least. Something's happening, and it isn't Dimensio, Black Rose, T. , Mortimer, or Pinkamena.", making Dimentio sigh and rub his head, stressed, before Beerus spoke up and said "L-Let's move on. How about we deal with the second most-asked question?"_

 _"The Mask?", making Whis nod and say "Yes. They wish to know what's under the mask. As much as we want to respect your privacy...", only for Dimentio to say "It's alright. Besides, it'll prove that I'm more badass than you expect."_

 _Dimentio smirked, as he slowly took off the mask, darkness covering his face, before he looked up, revealing his face... and people vomiting was soon heard, with Beerus throwing up into a nearby trashcan at the sight, with Whis shaken greatly, his hands trembling as he held his papers, disturbed at the sight._

 _Half of Dimentio's face was burned, revealing the bloody muscle underneath, his eye bloodshot, and wild, with bits of bone sticking out of the burned side of his face, the smirk on his face terrifying everyone, the muscles on the burnt side of his face moving, slowly, as he said "Now... I said I don't hate my brother... but every time I'm reminded of THIS...", as he points to his face, before continuing, "... a little of me begins to remember why I want to give him a taste of his own medicine."_

 _"Y-Your own brother did that... to YOU!?" Kale said offscreen, Dimentio chuckled and said "Shocking, isn't it? This wound... it cannot heal. Not through magic, or ki, or chakra, or chi- nothing can heal this. It's both a physical wound... and an emotional wound. I'm like a fucked up Joker-Deathstroke hybrid. The pain is gone, as it no longer bothers me. Touching it gets nothing, but the feeling of my burnt, exposed face.", as he then sighed, slowly putting the half-mask back on, the eye of his half mask glowing brightly, no longer a glowing, pale yellow, but of a glowing, shadow black color, acting as the sclera, with rings of various shades of gray appearing around the center of it, acting as the iris, with a single, glowing white orb in the center, acting as the pupil..._

 _He then asked "Anything else, Mr. Whis?", making Whis say, still a bit shaken by what he saw, "A-A f-fe-few more things, but I th-think we sh-should end it h-here for n-now, if y-you don't mind, t-that is.", making Dimentio nod and say "Agreed. I need to have a bit of a drink, anyway. Although... do you think you could air this to the major clans first, then the rest of the Omniverse?"_

 _"Of c-course." Whis said, sipping his coffee to try and get his mind off of it, making Dimentio say "Excellent. And to help take your mind off of my burnt face, open the door to the studio in about a minute or so. Until next time, Warpers. And remember, Zone-Tan is watching you guys fap!", only for Kyu and Tora to say, in the background "Hey! That's our shtick!", before Dimentio said "No, you stole it from Zone-Tan. Later!", as the feed cut out._

- _WNN-_

After the whole disaster with Evil Morty and Mecha Rebecca, the mood about the Dragon Newscasters was down. It had helped that the evil pair had gotten away and had injured Kale in the process. Kale had to be on leave to recover, but she could at least spend time with Taydo. Caulifla opened the door to the studio wanting to preparing for a future interview and was trampled by a stampede of puppies of different breeds, from Pitbulls, Labradors, and English bulldogs to French bulldogs, golden retrievers, and chihuahuas, all barreling over Caulifla and licking her face as they rushed back into the studio, bounding over everyone else and licking them. Laughter was soon heard as everyone was hugging the puppies, who all bore Warping Energy, being resistant to the strength of those in Dragon Ball and able to survive... pretty much anything.

Whis was having a bunch of fluffy French and English bulldogs on him, as he cuddled them, before he said, laughing, "I needed this!", as he petted them, with them licking his face as he hugged them happily...

Beerus was being licked and nipped at by small Pitbull puppies as he smiled and petted them carefully, watching them surround him as he laid on the ground, enjoying what was happening, even if he wouldn't admit it.

Eventually, Kyu and Tora would reveal themselves to be behind this as they wanted to do something nice for the news team that worked so hard to produce content on a daily basis. Caulifla wound up adopt a bulldog for herself hoping to surprise Kale and Cabba when she got home.

"So, what are you even going to do with all these dogs?" Kyu asked Tora.

"Infinite universes, Kyu. There's bound to be people wanting dogs." Tora said with a mirthful sigh. "Figured they'd all need relief after what happened."

* * *

(A/N: This last part was originally apart of the "interview", but I've decided to repurpose this part for a scene taking place after October's news broadcast. That's why it's drastically edited. Hope you liked the _Maelstrom of Stardew_ cameo!)


	13. November 2018 Edition (TW)

**The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **November 2018**

(Minor Trigger Warning)

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! And here's two new reporters on the scene!" The announcer said as the footage rolls but reveals Bulma and Tights were back in the studio._

"Welcome all you warpers to Warper News Network. I'm Bulma." Bulma introduced.

"And I'm Tights." Tight said politely.

Sharpner was snickering like an idiot behind the camera as the two glared at him.

"The usual newscaster won't be here for the month due to medical leave concerning last month's fiasco. And forgive the mess, because apparently we got a couple of Halloween pranksters." Bulma said ducking an egg that nailed Tights in the face.

"Gee thanks, sis." Tights said wiping it off her face.

"Either way, the wedding of the multiverse is soon to occur as everyone's favorite businessman, Merch, is tying the knot." Bulma said as the image appeared on the television behind them.

"Are they still planning it? It's been nearly a month since it was mentioned." Tights said only for Bulma to smack her upside the head for saying that. "Ow!"

"You can't rush these things!" Bulma snapped before calming down. "Now, in our entertainment news, the new RWBY show planned by oracle, Mirai Yoshi has finally dropped as Remnant's Four Shadows in time for RWBY Volume 6 to come out."

"Wait, isn't Mirai a member of the RWDE community?" Tights asked only to get another dope slap. "Stop that!"

"Stop asking stupid questions then?" Bulma said flatly. "Moving on, the reality warper's short ban list has a new name added to it, Donald Trump. In a landslide vote, it was agreed that the real estate mogul...and sub-par president can not become a reality warper on account of several "security risks" from his toxic rethoric. This makes him the fifth person based off Earth Prime to get banned with the first being…well Hilter." Bulma explained.

"But what about Downfall Hilter?" Tights asked.

"The crazy immortal one who didn't kill any Jews and is only using his army to make silly videos in his bunker? He's a bit of a rare exception." Bulma remarked. "It's awkward…."

"Speaking of Jews, a moment of silence for the fallen Jews of Earth Prime's recent massacre." Tights said as everyone took a moment of silence to pay respects.

"Why do people even hate Jews?" Bulma said annoyed. "Seriously, it's like their the world's punching bags."

"Really? Punching bags?" Tight asked dryly. "Let's just move on to announcements."

Tights rolled her eyes as she continued, "There's been a rise in complaints over characters getting the reverse-slash treatment citing it's offensive to the L…"

"Bulma! I got a package in the mailroom…and it's addressed weird. It's from a group called Stormfront."

"Krillin, you can't just…wait, oh shit, it's a bo-"

BOOM! An explosion rocked the studio and camera feed cut out showing only static. The footage was fuzzy showing a ruined studio and several injured people. The usual music was not even playing…there was nothing but silence. The camera sparked before the feed cut out.

* * *

(A/N: This will get a follow-up later in the month. I wanted to give a bit of realism to my news network, and honestly, considering they're neutral, they'd be a target for extremist. And for those curious, that bomb is basically the same as the Android bomb but scaled down. I also wanted to mention some real-life issues as well and give a respectful moment of silence for the fallen victims of the recent massacre. Once again, I won't name the shooter, but rest assured that in the multiverse, counterparts of him are being…"dealt with".)


	14. (Late) December 2018 Edition

**The Warper News Network (the series)**

 **December 2018**

(Minor Trigger Warning)

* * *

 **(Cues: Z-TV Techno Song)**

The logo flashes with three letters, "WNN", the Warper News Network. WNN is one of the three major news networks among reality warpers.

 _"WNN, the place that's not fake-conservative Fox, idiotically liberal MSNBC, and more classy than Nude News Network. We're the Warper News Network bringing you our neutral outlook! And here's Caulifla and Kale!" The announcer said as the footage rolls but reveals Caulifla and Kale operating from Capsule Corp._

There's a Christmas party in the background as Caulifla and Kale are in festive wear, but with grim moods. They made their introduction before moving up to an empty room with the cameraman to give the news.

"In tragic news, we sadly announce the passing of Stan Lee and Stephen Hillenburg, two who brought laughs in the hearts of many. We will continue to proudly make memes from your work in your honor." Kale said raising a glass of wine up for them before drinking.

"Hey…am I interrupting?" Stan Lee said coming in through the door.

"Yes, you got your cameo. Now go back to the party and let me mourn." Kale said as Stan left.

"Moving on. Tragedy struck as the universe home to the team famous for ending the Blackthorn-Frost rivalry is sadly falling apart and growing unstable. The Crystal Squadron has all escaped and are accounted for. Despite this, there is still plans for the wedding between the "Jaded Gemslayer" and the "Warrior of Ice and Fire" with rumors of a multi wedding in the mix." Caulifla said moving over to less depressing topics.

"It's no surprise it fell apart. Worlds related to Steven Universe, RWBY, and several other shows has been either purged, attacks, or their cores were growing unstable. There's also another problem, the Tumblr purge. Apparently, all adult content is being completely cut on site." Kale said as Caulifla went bug-eyed.

"WHAT?! I have people I follow there! It was the reason I joined that dumphole in the first place! Why the hell would they do this?!" Caulifla said enraged.

"It's too combat child porn and pedo rings!" Kale argued.

"While fucking over everyone else, how's thing going to help? Any discussion of sex and sexuality will be banned too." Caulifla said pointing out.

"You can find someplace else to do that!" Kale said as Caulifla got up her cup of hot cocoa.

"Why the fuck do you think most of the artists joined Tumblr in the first place?!" Caulifla said throwing the mug on the desk after downing the cocoa. "It's bullshit!"

"Besides Tumblr's long since guilty of hosting underage shit since the beginning and they let the problem grow out of control. Now sex workers are getting fucked out of a platform who are legally able to do so. Artists and writers are out now of a platform to communicate with others. The crit crew is doomed because viewers won't tolerate Tumblr bullshit!" Caulifla ranted. "And the NSFW community is screwed, but the Nazis are still free to spread their hate speech! Innocent posts are being flagged by Tumblr Staff's incompetent bots. All being done close to Christmas and on International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers."

Caulifla took a breath and slumped in her chair as Kale looked frightened.

"So, this is it…I fear the fate of the oracles. They're screwed…just like those Article 13 victims." Caulifla said as her phone rang. "Huh…it seems we have footage from Whis and Vado who are on the ground on Tumblr Beta. Let's switch to them."

The footage swapped to the two angels and the planet was falling apart as artists and oracles were fleeing the dying planet.

"It seems that Tumblr's host planets are starting their purging early. Tumblr Bots are attacking, and it seems that Neo-Nazis and "TERFs" have joined in the slaughter." Vados said as a lone Sapphire was running dodging laser blasts.

She ran into a Bot which knocked her to the ground.

"You were flagged and now must be purged." The Bot said charging his plasma rifle.

"Oh, that's bullsh-" Sapphire said as a blade of water slashed it in two revealing a version of Lapis in modern clothes. "Thanks. Where's the others?"

"Escaping. Mirai's leading the charge. By the way, he wants to apologize to you before this planet blows." Lapis said bitter at the situation. "He and those from Dragon Ball fandom are fighting off the stans, bots, and Nazis."

"Excuse me, miss? Can you give some words to you fearing for your lives?" Vados asked nicely.

"We're sorry, but we're busy trying not to get fried!" Sapphire said adjusting her robes. "Excuse us, please!"

Lapis formed her water wings and flew Sapphire away right as more bots were being destroyed by a familiar oracle with black hair.

"Mirai Yoshi? Care to give some words?" Vados asked as the camera turned to the oracle in battle.

"I can't…I…oh crap, they're nuking the planet!" Mirai said slashing through another as he looked up to see one of the heads of Tumblr forming a massive planet-destroying Supernova. "Kira! Grab the portal gun and let's go!"

The footage cut out as it happened to Caulifla and Kale. Kale looked sheepishly and Caulifla glared at Kale.

"Let's just move to politics…." Kale said trying to change the mood as Caulifla got up.

"I'm done. This year has been a shitshow, and I'm ending it before I hear one more disappointment." Caulifla said about to leave.

"There's a Mario Brothers movie coming out soon!" Kale said trying to get to stay.

"Which studio?" Caulifla asked.

"Illumination…." Kale said awkwardly.

"You're sleeping on the couch, Kale." Caulifla said leaving slamming the door behind her.

"Well, I guess that's a wrap."

The camera turned around to reveal Sharpner.

"On behalf of the Warper News Network, we wish you the best of Hanukkahs and the merriest of Christmases!" Sharpner said cheerfully as the footage cut out.

* * *

(A/N: And it's all wrapped up! 2018 is done for the year, and I'm happy I kept this up for so long. Thank you for following it and reviews! See you all next year!)


End file.
